Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
