mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
