Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
