my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just gargled with NyQuil
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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