i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize