watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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