I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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