Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
