Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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