my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
