saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
