Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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