This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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