i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
