I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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