she woke up with a sticky ear
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
