38 yer olds are good kisserssss
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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