So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
