Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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