party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
