arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
