so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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