I want to have your abortion
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
