Buhtt sex?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
