I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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