so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
