for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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