What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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