speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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