Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
