Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
