i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
