i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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