Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
