I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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