I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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