Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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