both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
