just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
