marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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