Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
