Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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