You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
