Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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