Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
