I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
