Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
