What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
