You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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