the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
farters have to be the big spoon...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
