and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
