I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
