Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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