Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
3 2 1 whiskey
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
