my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
