Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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