guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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