did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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