He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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