covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
