Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
