Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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