i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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