Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
