Betty ford says i'm here all night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dignity is for republicans.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
