I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
