Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize