he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
