I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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