the new term for farting is butt boxing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What a dumb baby whore.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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