There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
