Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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