my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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