She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
