Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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