If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
