i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
