my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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