dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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